Surviving the First Weeks with a Newborn

I wish I had known...really known... how hard it was going to be...and while other parents try and tell you... it will always come as a shock for a first time mother.

Nothing can really prepare you for what you will experience when you become a new mother. You've survived 9 months of pregnancy, the good, bad and horrible and can't wait to have your body back to yourself... or so you think. You will eventually, but just not the way you imagine it. Motherhood is a role that you start with at the bottom of the rung.

Postpartum sucks. Painful and sore, hormonal, exhausted, fat and constantly hungry, hair falling out in chunks, surviving on barely any sleep add to that the huge responsibility of caring of a helpless little creature whose survival depends on you...how does one even begin to cope!!!

1) Find a new-normal: In the blurry haze of the first few weeks it may seem like life will never get back to normal, but life eventually will get back to normal... not the old normal, but a new-different normal. Setting a day-time routine and a night time routine with baby can help your sleep deprived brain function with some sort of order. The best thing I did was to establish a bed-time routine in the second month (wish I had started sooner) the problem with a newborn is that they eat-poop-sleep every 2 hours- day or night, so it's hard to settle into bed and say hey it's bedtime go to sleep, when you know they'll up in 10 mins to feed or get changed... and that was driving me insane!! After establishing a routine that signaled lights-out for baby, I was able to at least mentally come to terms that it was bed-time for baby, even though the little tyke never stayed asleep for more than an hour... still it was some kind of progress. We still follow the same routine of bath, pray, milk and lullabys to sleep.

2) Take care of yourself first: So you haven't had time to take a shower or even eat a proper meal. You're exhausted and cranky and smell like an old sock while your baby is fed, bathed, clean and smelling as sweet as a clean baby can (so sweet!). If you need a break take it, hand your baby to Daddy or someone else, go take that shower, shampoo your hair, eat well, take a nap. On some days you may crave to go out and meet friends and on some days you'll barely have the energy to get out of bed, it's ok. Some women can't cope with breastfeeding, it's ok to switch to formula if it gets too overwhelming to cope. Get a hair cut if you have especially thick or long hair. I regret not cutting my hair shorter after my baby was born, I had sooo much hair falling out all over the place, everywhere it was awful. Speak to other mums, join a mums group, get some fresh air, look after yourself.

3) It's ok to not have the perfect nursery: Your baby won't care how pretty their nursery looks or if the bedding matches the wallpaper. Your baby will most likely spend the first few months in your room as they will be safer and better off closer to you (unless you want to trudge back and forth rooms a hundred times a night) so it makes sense to have your own room or any other room you will spend loads of time in, set up with everything you need for baby close at hand. Forget about things looking pretty, you'll probably not have the energy to tidy up let alone make things look picture perfect. And it's OK.

4) It's ok to co-sleep: Western culture seems to have this paranoia against co-sleeping, (A norm for Indian families) which makes it so much harder on new mums who are trying to establish breastfeeding or even get a decent nights sleep. I was happy to have baby sleep next to me in a bassinet, but every time I attempted to set him down in the bassinet, he would wake up and then I'd spend another hour trying to get him back to sleep. I realised I was better off letting him sleep in my arms and slowly setting him down on the bed right next time me. The best thing I did was set up a safe co-sleeping arrangement where I took one side off the crib and attached the crib to the side of my bed. I could feed my baby and both of us fall asleep peacefully with no need to go through the torturous task of setting him down in a bassinet or even getting out of bed. Co-sleeping may not be for everyone, but don't let anyone tell you it's wrong if it's the only thing keeping you from getting some sleep.

5) It's ok to ask for help: While it was hard living in a different country away from my family, I was fortunate to have a great church community with friends to help me out bringing us meals, spending time with me, lending clothes, toys, and other baby equipment so that I barely had to buy anything in the first year indeed even in the second year. If someone offers you an hour of their time so you can take a shower or nap, don't say no. If you feel you can't cope with your emotions or are overwhelmed check for signs of postpartum depression, speak to a physician about it.

6) It's ok if you feel all out of shape: Perhaps the hardest thing for me was coming to terms with my postpartum body. Not only did I feel horribly out of shape, breastfeeding made me feel constantly hungry, so I ate to feed my baby and put on loads of weight which I am still trying to shake off. I've learnt to come to terms with the fact that my body will never go back to the way it was, stretch marks and all, and also that it will take a lot more effort trying to lose the weight I put on. The fact that I was able to grow and nurture another human being from a tiny cell to a full grown baby is amazing and worth every bit of change my body has gone through.

7) Take one day at a time: The days are long, but the years are short. So I've been told. As a new mum, every hour can seem like an eternity and 5 minutes of a crying baby can feel like a lifetime. Sleepless nights can make a week feel like a year, but this too shall pass. These early days are days of acquaintance for you and your baby, so cherish every moment, the beautiful and the crappy, take those pictures and videos, record each milestone your rejoice in, these moments will never come again.