Gravity

I’m standing at the very edge of the bridge looking down at the river flowing below me. My head is swimming; the fear and panic make me feel nauseous. My hands and feet have turned cold and my heart feels like it’s going to explode. A loud voice inside my head shouts ‘Turn away, go home, you don’t have to do this.’ I want to step away but I’m paralyzed- rooted to the spot.

Just bend my knees and fall over the edge, that's all I really had to do. How hard can it be? Freedom beckons me. I have to do this…

The murky river looks like a little stream from way up here and the rocks jutting out look frightening. A cold breeze blows giving me goose bumps making me shiver. What a stupid time to realize that I fear heights more than I fear death.

My fear had to be conquered. For a moment all thoughts cease... I am suspended in time and the moment feels like eternity.

I’m ready… I’ve planned and thought of this for months. Some part of me is convinced that everything that is wrong in my life will be alright if only I could jump.

I spread my arms wide like a bird, lean forward, and fall over…

I’m flying...freedom… I try to hold on to the moment… my eyes blur but I can’t seem to shut them... the river rushes toward me and I realize I’m screaming.

Then it’s over.

The tug of the elastic cord pulls me back up. I let out an involuntary whoop and as I swing up and down, back and forth like a pendulum out of sync.

I’m hanging upside down with the blood rushing to my head; I think I’m still screaming, I don’t really know. My heart has stopped beating or it’s beating too fast for me to feel it. I’m still shaking and numb as they let loose from the harness.

Breathless I yell, “That was amazing! I want to do it again!”